I drink and know things 

There I was lost in my new building trying to find my way back to the office. Surrounded by people bustling to get to their respective destinations and ignoring me. Granted it was a brand new building with shopping, offices and residential spaces. But I  was  overwhelmed and wandering in circles. When a very handsome man came up to me.  He started talking to me and I  could tell he was no good. Dressed all in white sort of Miami vice meets crime lord. I continued to walk doing my best to ignore him when I spot Peter Dinklage. I hesitantly walk towards him,knowing that he can help me. He sees me and the new pet that can’t take a hint I want him to leave. He doesn’t need me to say it he knows I’m lost.  He turns  around and motions with a nod of his head to follow. Meanwhile crime lord sees he’s lost me to Peter. He follows me making  lewd  comments. We take an escaltor down . Peter dressed very smartly in three piece suit looking very Corporate, hops on the hand rail to be eye level with me as he escorts me to our office. We exchange smiles. Me shy and embarrassed  & him smirky. At the bottom, Peter puts his hand on my lower back to steer me safely away. Crime lord trips into a water fountain. Where the mythical stone monsters come to life and start attacking him. 

Then I woke up to the  smell of waffles. 

Dude, why are you stealing my waffle iron?

Its 3:30 & i just woke up from a crazy ass dream. so, I  walk into my house to find a good friend stealing all of my electronics. he’s  acting shady with my waffle Iron in his hands. my house is torn up and my sweet little boy is asleep on the sofa. (I’m sticking with sleeping because if he was dead, I’ll  lose my shit). My husband comes down stairs to find out what’s going on. by the time I am back in from grabing our stuff from his car, he’s  seriously freaked out .All of the electricity is turned off and he is bathing in the toilet. my friend is chatting with him like A) its not werid  washing in the toilet B) that they are having a conversation while bathing. My friend  says “we good, Brah?” 

My husband looks at the hand extended for a beat, maybe two then responds “yeah, we good” & slaps his hand. The next moment, my friend has a gun pointed at his head and shoots him. Instead of blood and guts (like how every TV show depicts) plant or fungus fibers explode from where sat my husband. 

Now I’m  awake and I want to know, is my husband an alien? Is there something wrong with the water?  Why were you stealing the waffle iron?

Playing doctor 

Playing doctor isn’t as fun as you would think  when you’re old. Certainly not as sexy.Over the weekend, I had some pain in my side. I asked my husband to research where my appendix is. After a round of show & tell where it hurts, I was no closer to finding out why I  was in pain. I now have  an ultrasound scheduled to see if my gallbladder is trying to make an early exit. While my head is saying one  thing, my body is singing another.